me. and my stupid thoughts.

very long time since i blogged.. duno y suddenly feel like blogging.. maybe because of the emotions that i bottle up in my heart. i have to let it out somehow.. lemme just let out everything that i want to say here. thx blog. =]

thx ying. for the sayang. even though its only one word.. or rather, emoticon, i'm still thankful for it =]

YES PROPHET U SAID IT RIGHT. I THINK A LOT! and i link things up and assume.. >_< i dun wan to assume too much................................. assuming means not the truth means miscommunication means distrust means quarrel means breakup means every other bad things that can happen in this world. if i get a gf now.. i will break up wif her. definitely.. hais stupid me.
got any job that earns nice $$ and needs ppl to analyse and assume not..? i sure fufil the requirements one.. =x

leo talked about mature love, only wif mature love will one be happy forever n have a blessful marriage.. i just want 1 gf n 1 marriage n 1 family. thats my thinking.. i m stupid right? i just want a good girl who likes me, be very sweet be very nice~ but i wunt be able to sustain the relationship.. coz i'm a retard, probably have a stone heart. no emotions.

give and do not expect anything in return. i want to love my friends.. because i want them to love me in return. looks like i shld not habour that thought.

if u read on, u'll see why i cant comunicate.. i duno how to start sentences, like starting, middle and ending... i just anyhow pop out something and say it.. like sentences, think of the middle, the end, then the front.. then everytime if i think before i say.. ppl will interupt me.. then i wunt be able to talk liao.. then forget it.. might as well dun talk right? then if i think, then i say.. then ppl said their piece.. then.. why shld i even talk.. hais.. duno y duno y. m i slow? i think a lot.. think a lott!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! siannnnns......... everydae cnt sleep.. coz my brain always working.. thinking thinking thinking thinking.. think so many shitty things. think of everything that happened that dae.. think of how i shld have better overcomed that matter, think of y i even did that.. then regret? stupid right.

my life is boring.

my pri sch life. always playing catching under void deck! so fun! that was the best part of my life.. i miss it so much..

my sec sch life, my mum dun let me go out one.. ask her can go out a not.. she confirm say cannot.. sian.. then i olso a bit anti-social.. everything i think in my head.. i nv voice out.. bottle up til i very stony heart liaos..

my "jc" life was in ausssie, where i studied in centenary heights state high school, this sch is so nice! my ang moh classmates all so fun one.. lolz.. but aussie bad thing is 5pm every shop close liaos.. then i remember the last time.. i ask my mum if i can go to my fren's hse(8pm) liddat.. go n dota wif them.. my dad was out of town on an exercise.. then my mum was like.. : wth? dun go la. then i ask her.. if dad says okay leh? then u let me go? then she sorta mumble.. i called my dad.. asked him for permission.. at first he okay one.. then he ask my mum to take the phone.. i passed it to my mum.. then she asked: u want to let him go arh? then they talk talk.. then when i take back the phone.. my dad dun let me go liao..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz so disappointed lors.. sians. they scared that i kena wad? drugs cigrette sex or wad ? i not so stupid one lors... bloody hell.. wad to do.. my mum duno wad sai la. just no goin out.. sians.. everything dun go out.. then i become nerd lor.. face the comp 24/7 then my dad everytime scold me playing computer when i in sec 3/4.. say i nv go out wad sai.. wtf... retard lors.. fuck. tears summed up in my eyes.. must be beacuse of the fan thats blowing in my eyes.

now i come back to singapore.. finally i out of reach of my parents.. thought WAH SO GOOD SIAH.. can everydae go out plae plae plae.. my parents everytime call to ask how we r, sure ask if we got enough money a not.. =X buwahahah.. but i nv used their money yet.. i only used up all my savings for my entire life until now. then now still got $500 to spend til i use up my own savings.. buwahahah.. the i will use it on my frens!!!!!! my fam!!

ying. i not rich. is i saved these money.. i nv buy much clothes n stuff.. nv buy new hp nv buy new specs.. money i saved up.. i wanna spend on frens! make them happi..! wahaha.. but i feel that i have very little friends.. know ppl but good frens.. little.. =/

ying. i know that u will definitely share those 2 sms i suddenly sent to u wif miike. or even hx n wt. i duno if i shld regret doing that a not. because. in that sms. i am like such a poor thing. if guys see that sms. they will think that i'm zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. tryin to get symphathy. i sent it to u. i knew u would show ppl.. hx initially thinks that i m interested in her.. which i do not know is a fact or not. because i DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE! i TOLD u that before. and i told u again. i do not know y i m doin this. but i think that i can get hx if i tried. but i wanted to call hx.. a few days after callin hx.. i went to buy a cordless phone. so that i can use the phone n call her. my hp bill would explode if i were to call her everytime on my hp. i duno i like hx or wadever. jk asked me. he gave me a chance to tell him if i liked her. i said no. thus i m gifin him my blessings now. i m a bloody sensitive guy. a stupid n sensitive n i think a lot, assume n misunderstand.

todae.. my bro asked me if i wanna go wif him, jess n yy to roller blading.. but last min, ying just popped out of msn n asked me to pei her go bugis buy a box.. then i okay lors.. then ask her wad time meet.. then she say sms her coz she late for her 3pm class liaos.. then i say okay lors.. went to bath.. prepared everything, every sai n wanna go out liaos, 3pm++ after she is IN her lesson smsed her.. then she tell me she probably going with us to watch movie.. and sms n say she going taka and buy her pressie wif hx n jk.. okays then.. then i stay at home rot lor.. so bloody angry.... dun disturbe u n jk n hx, coz if i go.. sure is jk talk talk talk.. i dun like to interupt ppl when they are talking. then i like very anti social. then i olso dun wan to disturbe those 2 lovebirds. may they be together n haf a happy relationship! =]

so her plan that she didn't tell me was that she duno she wanna go wif us to watch movie a not.. if she going, she will be going to somewhere near wt's workin place n buy her pressie.. if she not watching movie.. she will be going bugis to buy her pressie.. i so sian.. so conclusion.. she going out wif jk n hx later, going to taka.. then i dun need to pei her le..

but if she going to bugis.. which means shes not goin to watch movie, she will want me to pei her.. WHICH MEANS SHE WILL PANG SEH ME AFTER BUYING. wtf. sian. okay la.. although i really got nuttin to do.. u dun haf be like this de one right. i assume too much? but if its really like this.. i really sian lehs.. T_T y me as backup..

ying. i really wanna say this to u leh.. i could haf gone wif my bro n jess n yy to rollerblade.. i didn't tell u that in msn because u seem so busy and i thought u would definitely go.. or at least ask me out wif u guys.. dun tink jk will want me there cos hes wif hx.. and his sms was: "hx asked me to ask u guys." okay. so is not his idea to even ask me out in the first place.. so i dun wanna be extra and tag along like a bloody leech following n be light bulb.. i really sian. jk n hx.. i wish u guys the best la. jk. i wunt go call hx anymore. k. these few days i nv call her liaos. i nv told u i calling hx yest because i dun want u to lose concentration on ur studies.. although u probably r smsing hx when studying.. i like acting wei da right? but pls. i really dun wanna lose my frens. =[

hx.. i called u yest coz i didn't wanted to bother jk anymore. i smsed him asking wad time meeting.. he said: "tell me tml.." i wanted to sms back: "k, i call hx a while" but i didnt.. coz i didn't wanted him to lose concentration. then i called u.. n talked a bit.. then mike took the phone.. thought hx bluffed him that i was cx. then after jkin a bit.. i said i was edwin.. then talk a bit n he started driving.. then he said "call me back" okay. i waited.. knowing that he wunt call or hx wunt call. i didn't wanted to call hx back because she was alone on the van wif mike.. he will be like very "lonely" wif hx talking on the phone.. thus i nv called her. so. i waited like 1/2 hr to 45mins.. then i smsed hx.. asking her wad time tml n wad time she sleepin.. n i waited.. coz maybe she is bathing or something.. waited n watched hua yang shao nian shao nu.. til 2am+ n i know she wunt reply. k. maybe she was asleep or something.. then todae.. i called her.. first ques.. asked her.. hi.. err.. did u receive my sms yest? she said yea.. but was too busy to reply.. okays.. hao. too busy to reply.. i didn't ask wad she was busy wif.. so okay lors.. then i asked her wad time meetin later on.. she say wt off work at 8.30pm.. so meet a bit earlier? okay. fine. sure meet a bit earlier.. u n jk n jy go shoppin n things bahs.. i stay at home rot.. k.. this is from my point of view.. i dun want to ask if i can join them a not.. coz if they wanna ask me.. they ask bah.. dun ask.. nvm then.. i'll eat myself..

tml is valentines.. i sibeh sian.. i asked eug, to ask vin, to ask jess out on wed, vin tooth ache.. -.- Then i ask eug to ask jess out.. but duno he do wad.. i tml so sian.. no body to go out wif.. rotting at home again like everydae.. coz if jess dun go out wif someone tml.. she will go out wif her exbf who is a bloody fcker *heard frm eug*.. so jess.. if u tml no one go out wif u hors.. i ask u out kae! dun go out wif ur ex... pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls! =/

jess said she will make strawberry cheesecake for me n my bro if we read that entry* in her blog! so sweet of her!! haha.. cant wait to taste her cheesecake!! =]] =D *waits patiently*

i haf a good bro n haf mani good frens.. but m i thinking too much.. if crying out will make me better.. i wanna cry.. like jess liddat.. cry at things that she dun like.. then after that.. okay liao, can jump n shout n be so joyful.

my bro like everydae go out.. he organise outings wif his frens. so fun. i olso wanna go out.. my frens poly.. his frens jc.. go out wif him.. my jc de frens all workin.. everyone buey on one.. sian.. say go out.. then sometimes pang seh last min. fk. sian. z. then i olso bad organiser.. my birthday that time.. organise 1 week in advance.. but only like 5 ppl celebrated my bdae.. i shld be contented right? but out of 5 ppl.. 1 is not sincere de(jason) -.- 1 is bling's fren(shu hui), 1 is bling's fren's cousin(annabel), bling n me.. only bling i asked her if she wanna celebrate one.. other is i at shu hui's place.. so they shun bian olso. my frens all working or no time on my bdae.. hais.. then nvm la.. at least they sent me happi bdae mesges! =] then another time i tried to oragnise.. i sibeh wad lors.. cnt even organise.. ppl not on. hais.. i dun wana try to organise things liaos.. organise things sure cok up one. z. z. z.

why do i like gaming? i do not know y.. maybe because i am anti social.. i have a stone heart. i dun like anyone. i haven cried for many years. n when i heard my frens, hx n jess cries a lot, i suddenly thought that crying can actually make u better..

hx said that she cries very often.. but not in front of ppl.. maybe when shes showering or something.. but now.. she probably will develop a feel for jk, n jk will also have feelings for hx.. because relationships starts from friends n time that are devoted.. jk olso very joking n fun to be with!, they are often together.. hx is open to any relationships.. jk if dun mind.. sure can get her n they will be very happy! i think.. =] lemme just gif them my blessings n everything.. jk jiayou! ni ke yi de.. just dun make her sad hors.. or else i will find u and make sure u KENA FROM ME.. =)

jess olso cries very often.. that time i talk wif her on the phone.. i actually heard her cry 1 time.. and she almost cried 2 times.. once when she says her hair kena cut til very not nice.. o.o she cries to make herself better! let all the things out..

wt says she scared of whale. hx says she wunt be able to get rid of the fear. that fear is placed in her when she first saw the whale when shes very young, she thinks that whales are very fierce, mouth very big, and thought that the whale wanted to eat her.. or maybe she saw the whale eating something very fiercely.. so she got so scared of whale that she might even cry when she sees whales.. but i think this can be cured! because... she have to think that whales are friendly, touch small toy whales, then touch medium size de.. let her punch whales.. make her think that whales are actually very cute! n she can KILL the whale.. let her hit a whale..

i was wondering why ppl pray to god or wadever.. my runescape username was praytoheaven last time.. i wonder.. why did i even put that as my username? hmm... good question eh?
it derived from toheavens.. i olso duno y i put that as my diablo2 "character name" LOLS SO FUNNY LORS.. think of it.. lame =x -.-"

ppl worship god, christians.. they give away all their sufferings, their pain, from those that have hurt them.. to jesus. i think that christainity is a good thing.. it makes man forgive and forget those who have hurt them. i m a free thinker. but i m willing to be a christian if theres no such rules as fully trust or wadever.. =/ to be christian, u'll have to say that u give god ur life.. i then dun wan.. -.- a bit diao lors.. even though its not really die or wad.. but i just dun like that vow or something.. so i'll be a free-thinker! but i support christianity. hee =]